The Light In Her Eyes Is Gone
Patricia Olsen
Every morning my ritual is to sit out in the dayroom with my best friend, Julie. We talk about everything from what we’re going to cook for dinner to politics.
This morning we were sitting in silence, just staring at people in the room. We’ve been friends over a decade, so like most married couples, we can usually tell what the other is going to say. But, today is different. She catches me off guard.
“She’s lost the light in her eyes,” Julie softly said.
I looked around, trying to figure out if she was talking about some one on the television or in the room. “Who?” I asked.
“Diane,” Julie explained. “Time’s doing her now. She used to be doing time, but now it’s doing her.”
I never looked closely at Diane, but it was true. She used to be happy and energetic. Now she seems so desolate. Her eyes don’t glisten. I thought it was the medication she’s on, but when you look real close, you can see it’s more than that.
She and I worked the same area a couple of years ago. She was going through an appeal. She had hopes of getting out. Now she’s just a shell. She’s withdrawn and looks like an abandoned barn in a field.
She’s unaware of her surroundings. People talk to her, but she isn’t really listening. She struggles to comprehend what the P.A. is announcing. She listens, waiting for the word “MEDICATION.”
Perhaps this is her only escape. The medication puts her in a state of acceptance. I feel sorry for Diane, but it also scares me. I don’t want to ever get to the point where I just give up.
This place has a way of feeding off our fears. Courage is fear holding on for one more minute (George S. Patton). In order to survive, you have to be able to fight and have the courage to take on the system.
Once you give in, there is no turning back. Your life and will to live is sucked right out of you. Nobody can breathe life back into you.
I feel for Diane, but I’ve also learned this life-sucking creature called prison can be kept at bay. I need to be more observant of my surroundings. I’ve seen this monster devour people before, but always blamed it on the medications. It’s not just the meds. It’s the fight inside. The strength in your mind. The light in your eyes.
The Lord is my light. He shall lead me down the dark paths of life.
“This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine…….”