This burden on my heart is hard for me to bear, because I’ve come to despise the reality of my life for I look at my state of repression with a conscious mind and open eyes. The agony enclosed inside me hurts beyond all things, so try to feel and understand when I say that this penitentiary enslavement is haunting and tormenting my soul.
This is just real talk, so please take heed of this plea I’m trying to convey.
I speak from my heart because my soul cries out, “How can one be happy or content with his life, when he’s imprisoned for life under conditions unfit for the mind?”
The misery, suffering, hate, anger, pain, and confusion enclosed in these walls is bound to break the strongest of minds, if not push it to the edge of questioning an challenging its own sanity.
Every existence and spirit that is perceived subconsciously is seen for what it truly is, yet it’s the conscious mindset that causes us in prison to be deceived. The majority of us in prison were lost in thought from the start. We didn’t possess the mental capacity to separate reality from illusion.
So the symptoms of misery, suffering, hate, anger, and pain become our confusion.
Instead of the mind transcending to a “higher plane of thought,” the only evolution process that transpires in the mind is a degenerate one. We succumb to the feelings that we can’t identify, understand, or deal with. Therefore, the mind is repressed.
So what does one do when faced one-on-one with the mind and an infinite amount of time? Either we evaluate and study the reality of the mind or we create a fictitious mindset to blot out the situations and conditions we’ve created in the real world. Most choose not to deal with the mind because of a misery and hate of inner self.
And on top of this psychologically suppressive state, they place us in a harsh and isolating environment such as the Ad Seg (the Hole) for whatever reasons. In a cell 24 hours a day, 165 hours a week, 660 hours a month, with nothing or very limited items that could be used to distract the mind from its capacity for creative thinking, reflecting how we have been destroyed by the system.
While researching and studying “America’s Concentration Camps” in social science and clinical literature, I have consistently found that when human beings are subjected to isolation and reduced environmental stimulation, they may deteriorate mentally and in some cases, develop psychiatric disturbances. These include perceptual distortions, hallucinations, hyper-responsiveness to external stimuli, aggressive fantasies, extreme paranoia, inability to concentrate, problems with impulse control, sexual desire, personality disorders, and aggressive behavior.
Additionally, the “slave drivers” (prison officials) don’t make things any better by constantly harassing and treating us as if we’re truly undesirable. The cruel and unusual punishment clause on the 8th Amendment “imposes” a duty on the prison officials to provide “humane” conditions of confinement, not “barbaric” ones. The only thing they believe in is medicating and sedating those who can’t cope with the stressful conditions using “psychological animal tranquilizers.”
These conditions are extreme isolation and environmental deprivation. Especially on medication that sedates and does not serve a penalogical interest for penal philosophy!
It’s also causing our psyche to deteriorate to a level that we can’t consciously understand or recognize. We are not aware of this mental disorder, which causes us to lose control of our feelings, emotions, and rational thinking.
In return, this leads us to focus our inner misery and hate towards the next spirit. And this is what’s going on in Jefferson City Correctional Center “Super Secure Ad Seg,” in housing unit #8 and housing unit #7. Aggression toward aggression, inner misery toward inner misery, hate of self toward hate of self, and confusion toward confusion. These are the ingredients which create what we call an “Ad Seg warrior.” Or the most commonly used term “Blow Hards.” These are the spirits who verbally abuse, assault, and assassinate another’s character in order to entrap someone into their misery.
These “Blow Hards” are so mentally unstable, that they’re very aware and conscious of their actions yet their minds can’t distinguish fact from fiction, they can’t separate reality from illusion because they’re consumed in an inner turmoil that’s unbearable. So they contaminate other weaker minds who are already suffering from a psychological malfunction with mere misery, suffering, hate, anger, pain, and confusion to strengthen their illusions.
In so many words, “captivity” in itself breeds a form of neurosis that manifests into hate of self. When weaker minds can’t deal or live with what they carry inside themselves, they create it outside themselves.